The World's Greatest Hypocrite Mind
by The Mouse Avenger
Summary: A "Great Mouse Detective" song with a "Hunchback Of Notre Dame" twist! Read & review, sil vous plait! (But no flames)


Author's Notes: This is a spoof of a certain GMD song I did.  
  
I thought to myself, "What if Judge Claude Frollo sang 'The World's Greatest Criminal Mind' instead of Ratigan?" And this is what came out.  
  
It's quite elementary, really.  
  
Anyway, here's the story.  
  
Judge Claude Frollo, Snowball, & The Soldiers (C) Disney.  
  
Same with Bartholomew, who is supposed to be a human in this fic.  
  
Oh, & also "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind". Disney owns that, too.  
  
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Song: "The World's Greatest Hypocrite Mind"  
  
Frollo:  
From the brain that brought you the King Louis Caper  
The head that made headlines in every newspaper  
And wondrous things like the Notre Dame Job  
That cunning display that made Paris a sob  
  
Now comes the real tour de force  
Tricky and wicked, of course  
My earlier crimes were fine for their times  
But now that I'm at it again  
An even grimmer plot has been simmering  
In my great hypocrite brain  
  
Soldiers:  
Even meaner? You mean it?  
Worse than the Gypsies & heathens you drowned?  
You're the crème de la crème around  
Oh, Frollo  
Oh, Frollo  
The rest fall behind  
To Frollo  
To Frollo  
The world's greatest hypocrite mind!  
  
Frollo:  
Thank you, thank you. But it hasn't all been Mass & preaching. I've had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable fourth-rate hunchback, Quasimodo. For years, that insufferable invalid has interfered with my plans. And my conscience! I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. But, all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Quasimodo, can stand in my way! All will suffer religious supppression! (pauses a bit) And ethnic cleansing!  
  
Soldiers:  
Oh, Frollo  
Oh, Frollo  
You're par excellence and that's that  
To Frollo  
To Frollo  
  
Bartholomew:  
To Frollo, the world's greatest villain! (Hic!)  
  
(Frollo, angry & shocked beyond belief, spits out his grape juice with a wheeze. The soldiers gasp.)  
  
Frollo:  
What was that? (Bartholomew hiccups.) What did you call me?  
  
Soldier 1 (the thin, tall one with red hair in the movie):  
Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Monsieur Frollo!  
  
Soldier 2 (the tubby one in the movie):  
I-it was just a slip of the tongue!  
  
Frollo:  
I am NOT A VILLAIN!  
  
Soldier 3 (in a whiny Cockney accent):  
'Course you're not. You're a righteous man!  
  
Soldier 4 (in a deep, gravelly British/Cockney accent):  
Yes, that's right. Right! A righteous man!  
  
Soldier 5 (he talks like Mickey Mouse):  
Oui, oui, a REALLY righteous man!  
  
Frollo:  
SILENCE! Oh, my dear Bartholomew, I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. You know what happens when someone upsets me...non?  
  
(Frollo blows a little panpipe.)  
  
Bartholomew:  
Oh, Frollo  
Oh, Frollo  
You're par excellence and that's that (Oh, dear)  
To Frollo  
To Frollo  
To Frollo, the world's greatest...  
  
(Snowball, Frollo's black horse, tramples all over Bartholomew, killing the poor drunken chap. Then she eats the bloody human corpse like a tiger.)  
  
Snowball:  
Neigh.  
  
(The soldiers begin to cry.)  
  
Frollo:  
Oh, Snowball, my precious, my baby...mon amor, mon bebe. Did Daddy's little daffodil enjoy her tasty treat?  
  
Snowball:  
Burp.  
  
Frollo:  
I trust there will be no further interruptions? And now, as you were singing?  
  
Soldiers:  
Even louder  
We'll shout it!  
No one can doubt what we know you can do  
You're more evil than even you  
Oh, Frollo  
Oh, Frollo  
You're par excellence!  
To Frollo  
To Frollo  
The world's greatest hypocrite mind!  
  
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Author's Notes: And that was my GMD/HOND crossover songfic!  
  
Please read & review! (But NO FLAMES! "Professor Frollo" may need those flames that DO come in...) 


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